20 pounds down! Yeah buddy.

I've lost 20 pounds since I started the diet in February! I'm pissed off about my slip ups, like in France, because I could've lost so much more by now :( But I'm still happy - 115 pounds this morning! I can feel so many new bones and I have somewhat of a thigh gap, it's all very exciting.


Food diary for yesterday...


-20 blueberries (20cal)
-2 almonds (14cal)
-2 olives (30cal)
-Tiny bit of arabic bread with tomato sauce (50cal)
-Mushrooms, courgette and tomato (max 70cal)
=184 calories = winning!


It's strange how eating so few calories affects you. I actually rarely feel hungry, except for briefly when I wake up, then it passes. I just feel weird as fuck and like I want something all the time, but I'm not sure what it is. I mean I'm guessing it must be food, but it's hard to make that connection when you're not feeling hungry. Most peculiar! Actually, there's a chance it could be cigarettes...mmm cigs, only 10 more days till you will be mine.


Butttttt we're going out for dinner tonight and I'm so scared I'm going to eat. And it will be pretty obvious if I go to vom in a fancy restaurant. And pretty fucking disrespectful to whoever cleans it and the others using it...I'm looking forward to getting all dressed up and shit, especially now I'm my lowest weight, but I can just see me getting to the restaurant and deciding to 'go easy on myself'. Which is bullshit because I don't deserve this yet. Especially considering I still want to lose around 3 pounds till the boat, which is in a week.


What a conflict of interests!

8 pounds in 8 days! Say whuuuuut.

Lost another pound today, so I'm 117.25lbs :) Which means, since I started restricting more on the 15th, I've lost 8 pounds! Which is a pound a day if my maths serves me correctly... And I ate so little yesterday and only felt a bit sick hungry.


- 1 almond (7cal)
- 10 blueberries (8cal)
- Spoonful of yoghurt (10cal)
- Green salad, no dressing (max 70cal)
- Bit of chicken breast (40cal)
- Boiled courgette (5cal)
- Broccoli (max 20cal)
=160 calories. BOOM.


This is the lowest weight I've been in at least 4 years. I am a very happy girl today :) My mum's starting to do her worrying thing though, so it's good I'm going back to London soon. I also can't wait for my cigs! I haven't smoked for a month now just because it would upset my mum more than it's worth. But jeeeesus I miss fags, and it makes dieting so much easier. Gonna hit up duty free in a BIG way.

I can wear jeans!

So I haven't worn jeans for a good 3 years now, because I haaaated the way my legs looked in them, but today I bought a pair and they look pretty good actually. They're dark grey, distressed ones from Forever 21, and waist 24 apparently. Which makes no sense because I'm waist 26 in Topshop at a push, but fuck it, I CAN WEAR JEANS BITCH!

Also lost 0.75lbs, and kept my calories down again :)

- Prune yoghurt (55cal)

- Blueberry yoghurt (53cal)

- 1/2 banana (50cal)

- 2 almonds (14cal)

- 3 rice crackers (20cal)

- Sea bass (100cal)

- 1/2 courgette (15cal)

=307

Today was a good day

Chocolate why you tease me like this!

I literally ate chocolate like the world was ending yesterday, it was diiiisgusting. But why does it taste so fucking good?! I'm gonna go with blaming the fact that my period's due? But I understand this is a pretty pathetic attempt at excusing myself. Anyway, I ate about 800 calories worth of chocolate I'd say...why am I so sexy? Then I had pasta. With chorizo. I cannot be stopped. I got rid of some of it but didn't want mah mama to catch on, cause everyone was in - ballllllache.


So as expected, I gained a pound. But ate like a saint today. Well in the unhealthy-not-eating way, but it was essential after yesterday:


- Prune yoghurt (55cal)
- 2 almonds (14cal)
- Some pomegranate seeds (20cal)
- 2 x Soup (136cal)
= 225 calories


And now we wait...............


....so dramatic.

2.5 pounds in a day?!

Yeah, so apparently I lost 2.5 pounds yesterday. That's riiiight bitches. I'm sure it's a fluke somehow - perhaps water weight? But we'll see what the scales say tomorrow. I guess I didn't eat a lot yesterday though, so hopefully some of it is actual weight I've lost. So the food diary for yesterday:


- Prune yoghurt (55cal)
- Kiwi (14cal)
- 1 almond (7cal)
- Vegetable soup (56cal)
- 9 blueberries (8cal)
- 2 1/2 quail eggs (35cal)
- 8 cherry tomatoes (40cal)
- Raw mushrooms and lettuce (20cal)
- Small spoonful of minced beef (30cal)


=256 calories...wadduuuuuppp.


We're all spending the day on a yacht (sound like a poncy twat) on the 1st of June and I really really REALLY want to be under 8 stone. Even 7st 13.75 pounds will do! Which means I have 15 days of dieting to lose 9.75 pounds, which equates to losing 0.65 pounds every day till then. Do we think this is possible?! Fuck I doubt it, but it's working out so far so here's hoping! 


Positive outlook and all that shit, whaddamilike.

Feeeeeed meeeeee

So I'm still in Dubai, getting mah tan onnnn, but my dieting/eating patterns are getting even more fucked up. Last week my weight went up to 8st11lbs, then down to 8st6lbs in 4 days. I was eating 250-300 calories and burning off 400 or more at the gym. I felt like anus, but it worked! But then the weekend came and we had all these dinners out and a birthday party and going out for long, wine-fuelled lunches, and I basically lost it. I was eating like a madman! And being sick several times a day. But that doesn't actually get rid of most of the calories, you just lose a shitload of water and dehydrate yourself. So my moods were erratic, but I just kept a good front so my mum wouldn't question me. She just thought I was 'taking a few days off'. 


So today I weighed myself and I was 8st13.25lbs. What the accccctual fuck. To be fair, I expected worse, thought I might be over 9 stone again...every cloud? So today I restricted like a bitch and ate the following:


-Prune yoghurt (55cal)
-4 almonds (28cal)
-5 pieces of sushi (175cal)
-Kiwi (14cal)
=272 calories


I was going to go to the gym but we spent all day shopping and I was falling over everywhere due to hunger....But apparently shopping burns about 150 calories per hour?! And we did at least 3 hours straight with no breaks. BOOM. Sooooo let's just say I burnt 450 calories at the 'gym'? Yeahhh...let's say that.


And to take away the attention from food (GOD FORBID), everyone, or mostly everyone, has that guy that they used to see that you have always liked more than the others. But they were a dick in some way, but you still miss them. Hopefully you get what I'm getting at...But yeah, mine started texted me again the other day, saying he wants to meet up. I gave him a lot of shit and told him I'm still not sure if I want to see him, but obviously inside I'm happy as fooook that he's come crawling back, dick between his legs. I'd put up recent photos on facebook where I've visibly lost weight, so I had the feeling this would happen. He said I 'was looking fiiiiine'. Fucking get in!


Okay going to bed now, too hungry!

Bu-lol-mia

Hmmm I seem to be having a bit of a problem...it appears that my binge and vom tactic is coming back. It's so annoying because I've been so fucking good otherwise, probably eating around 300 calories a day, but it's when one of my parents takes me out for dinner that I lose all control, which has happened three times in the last 2 weeks. I think they're worried about how little I've been eating, and they can see a noticeable difference in my weight, so when they take me out and I mention that I fancy something shitty, por ejemplo chocolate, they'll literally keep encouraging me to order it till I'm eating that shit uppp. Then once I've been bad I think fuck it, might as well go all out. So I do, then I vom. And in public too! This is a new low for me..They're really fucking nice restaurants too and I'm just puking in their toilets like a spastic. Nice. 

I'm in Singapore now and my dad took me to this really nice tapas restaurant, and it started off really well, splitting grilled squid, red peppers and prawns...then BOOM! Suddenly I'm eating a few fried potatoes. Then I'm sick. Then we go to this rooftop bar and I'm eating the nuts, then we split a chocolate fondant and truffle fries (fucking amazing might I add). Then I'm sick. Then I get a hot chocolate (which I never usually fucking drink), and have a couple chocolates and a macaroon then go home. And then I'm sick. Then I have THREE GODDAMN BROWNIES, and then I vom like I've never vommed before. It was fucking disgusting. And I never even felt full once.

What's so frustrating is that I can go from eating 300 calories a day and feeling fine, even having about 150 yesterday and feeling normal, to this manic binge. Like an untamed beast, but not even a sexy untamed beast. Ah well I'm really going to try and stop now, just go back to limiting my calories. I'm staying in this fly hotel tomorrow with my mate, and we're gonna hit the gym in a big way and use the pool, getting our tan on and shit. We were then going to go to this new club that just opened because we get free entrance and get to skip the queue! But I'm scared to drink. Pretty sure that's the only time I lose control with food, tonight being a classic example of this - fucking sangria. So might have to sacrifice going out for the sake of my bod.

At least I'm losing weight (now 117.5lbs - you can look at my weight goals page), and the tan is progressing swimmingly from Dubai and Singapore. Just need to sort my life out!