Bu-lol-mia

Hmmm I seem to be having a bit of a problem...it appears that my binge and vom tactic is coming back. It's so annoying because I've been so fucking good otherwise, probably eating around 300 calories a day, but it's when one of my parents takes me out for dinner that I lose all control, which has happened three times in the last 2 weeks. I think they're worried about how little I've been eating, and they can see a noticeable difference in my weight, so when they take me out and I mention that I fancy something shitty, por ejemplo chocolate, they'll literally keep encouraging me to order it till I'm eating that shit uppp. Then once I've been bad I think fuck it, might as well go all out. So I do, then I vom. And in public too! This is a new low for me..They're really fucking nice restaurants too and I'm just puking in their toilets like a spastic. Nice. 

I'm in Singapore now and my dad took me to this really nice tapas restaurant, and it started off really well, splitting grilled squid, red peppers and prawns...then BOOM! Suddenly I'm eating a few fried potatoes. Then I'm sick. Then we go to this rooftop bar and I'm eating the nuts, then we split a chocolate fondant and truffle fries (fucking amazing might I add). Then I'm sick. Then I get a hot chocolate (which I never usually fucking drink), and have a couple chocolates and a macaroon then go home. And then I'm sick. Then I have THREE GODDAMN BROWNIES, and then I vom like I've never vommed before. It was fucking disgusting. And I never even felt full once.

What's so frustrating is that I can go from eating 300 calories a day and feeling fine, even having about 150 yesterday and feeling normal, to this manic binge. Like an untamed beast, but not even a sexy untamed beast. Ah well I'm really going to try and stop now, just go back to limiting my calories. I'm staying in this fly hotel tomorrow with my mate, and we're gonna hit the gym in a big way and use the pool, getting our tan on and shit. We were then going to go to this new club that just opened because we get free entrance and get to skip the queue! But I'm scared to drink. Pretty sure that's the only time I lose control with food, tonight being a classic example of this - fucking sangria. So might have to sacrifice going out for the sake of my bod.

At least I'm losing weight (now 117.5lbs - you can look at my weight goals page), and the tan is progressing swimmingly from Dubai and Singapore. Just need to sort my life out!