20 pounds down! Yeah buddy.

I've lost 20 pounds since I started the diet in February! I'm pissed off about my slip ups, like in France, because I could've lost so much more by now :( But I'm still happy - 115 pounds this morning! I can feel so many new bones and I have somewhat of a thigh gap, it's all very exciting.


Food diary for yesterday...


-20 blueberries (20cal)
-2 almonds (14cal)
-2 olives (30cal)
-Tiny bit of arabic bread with tomato sauce (50cal)
-Mushrooms, courgette and tomato (max 70cal)
=184 calories = winning!


It's strange how eating so few calories affects you. I actually rarely feel hungry, except for briefly when I wake up, then it passes. I just feel weird as fuck and like I want something all the time, but I'm not sure what it is. I mean I'm guessing it must be food, but it's hard to make that connection when you're not feeling hungry. Most peculiar! Actually, there's a chance it could be cigarettes...mmm cigs, only 10 more days till you will be mine.


Butttttt we're going out for dinner tonight and I'm so scared I'm going to eat. And it will be pretty obvious if I go to vom in a fancy restaurant. And pretty fucking disrespectful to whoever cleans it and the others using it...I'm looking forward to getting all dressed up and shit, especially now I'm my lowest weight, but I can just see me getting to the restaurant and deciding to 'go easy on myself'. Which is bullshit because I don't deserve this yet. Especially considering I still want to lose around 3 pounds till the boat, which is in a week.


What a conflict of interests!

8 pounds in 8 days! Say whuuuuut.

Lost another pound today, so I'm 117.25lbs :) Which means, since I started restricting more on the 15th, I've lost 8 pounds! Which is a pound a day if my maths serves me correctly... And I ate so little yesterday and only felt a bit sick hungry.


- 1 almond (7cal)
- 10 blueberries (8cal)
- Spoonful of yoghurt (10cal)
- Green salad, no dressing (max 70cal)
- Bit of chicken breast (40cal)
- Boiled courgette (5cal)
- Broccoli (max 20cal)
=160 calories. BOOM.


This is the lowest weight I've been in at least 4 years. I am a very happy girl today :) My mum's starting to do her worrying thing though, so it's good I'm going back to London soon. I also can't wait for my cigs! I haven't smoked for a month now just because it would upset my mum more than it's worth. But jeeeesus I miss fags, and it makes dieting so much easier. Gonna hit up duty free in a BIG way.

I can wear jeans!

So I haven't worn jeans for a good 3 years now, because I haaaated the way my legs looked in them, but today I bought a pair and they look pretty good actually. They're dark grey, distressed ones from Forever 21, and waist 24 apparently. Which makes no sense because I'm waist 26 in Topshop at a push, but fuck it, I CAN WEAR JEANS BITCH!

Also lost 0.75lbs, and kept my calories down again :)

- Prune yoghurt (55cal)

- Blueberry yoghurt (53cal)

- 1/2 banana (50cal)

- 2 almonds (14cal)

- 3 rice crackers (20cal)

- Sea bass (100cal)

- 1/2 courgette (15cal)

=307

Today was a good day

Chocolate why you tease me like this!

I literally ate chocolate like the world was ending yesterday, it was diiiisgusting. But why does it taste so fucking good?! I'm gonna go with blaming the fact that my period's due? But I understand this is a pretty pathetic attempt at excusing myself. Anyway, I ate about 800 calories worth of chocolate I'd say...why am I so sexy? Then I had pasta. With chorizo. I cannot be stopped. I got rid of some of it but didn't want mah mama to catch on, cause everyone was in - ballllllache.


So as expected, I gained a pound. But ate like a saint today. Well in the unhealthy-not-eating way, but it was essential after yesterday:


- Prune yoghurt (55cal)
- 2 almonds (14cal)
- Some pomegranate seeds (20cal)
- 2 x Soup (136cal)
= 225 calories


And now we wait...............


....so dramatic.

2.5 pounds in a day?!

Yeah, so apparently I lost 2.5 pounds yesterday. That's riiiight bitches. I'm sure it's a fluke somehow - perhaps water weight? But we'll see what the scales say tomorrow. I guess I didn't eat a lot yesterday though, so hopefully some of it is actual weight I've lost. So the food diary for yesterday:


- Prune yoghurt (55cal)
- Kiwi (14cal)
- 1 almond (7cal)
- Vegetable soup (56cal)
- 9 blueberries (8cal)
- 2 1/2 quail eggs (35cal)
- 8 cherry tomatoes (40cal)
- Raw mushrooms and lettuce (20cal)
- Small spoonful of minced beef (30cal)


=256 calories...wadduuuuuppp.


We're all spending the day on a yacht (sound like a poncy twat) on the 1st of June and I really really REALLY want to be under 8 stone. Even 7st 13.75 pounds will do! Which means I have 15 days of dieting to lose 9.75 pounds, which equates to losing 0.65 pounds every day till then. Do we think this is possible?! Fuck I doubt it, but it's working out so far so here's hoping! 


Positive outlook and all that shit, whaddamilike.

Feeeeeed meeeeee

So I'm still in Dubai, getting mah tan onnnn, but my dieting/eating patterns are getting even more fucked up. Last week my weight went up to 8st11lbs, then down to 8st6lbs in 4 days. I was eating 250-300 calories and burning off 400 or more at the gym. I felt like anus, but it worked! But then the weekend came and we had all these dinners out and a birthday party and going out for long, wine-fuelled lunches, and I basically lost it. I was eating like a madman! And being sick several times a day. But that doesn't actually get rid of most of the calories, you just lose a shitload of water and dehydrate yourself. So my moods were erratic, but I just kept a good front so my mum wouldn't question me. She just thought I was 'taking a few days off'. 


So today I weighed myself and I was 8st13.25lbs. What the accccctual fuck. To be fair, I expected worse, thought I might be over 9 stone again...every cloud? So today I restricted like a bitch and ate the following:


-Prune yoghurt (55cal)
-4 almonds (28cal)
-5 pieces of sushi (175cal)
-Kiwi (14cal)
=272 calories


I was going to go to the gym but we spent all day shopping and I was falling over everywhere due to hunger....But apparently shopping burns about 150 calories per hour?! And we did at least 3 hours straight with no breaks. BOOM. Sooooo let's just say I burnt 450 calories at the 'gym'? Yeahhh...let's say that.


And to take away the attention from food (GOD FORBID), everyone, or mostly everyone, has that guy that they used to see that you have always liked more than the others. But they were a dick in some way, but you still miss them. Hopefully you get what I'm getting at...But yeah, mine started texted me again the other day, saying he wants to meet up. I gave him a lot of shit and told him I'm still not sure if I want to see him, but obviously inside I'm happy as fooook that he's come crawling back, dick between his legs. I'd put up recent photos on facebook where I've visibly lost weight, so I had the feeling this would happen. He said I 'was looking fiiiiine'. Fucking get in!


Okay going to bed now, too hungry!

Bu-lol-mia

Hmmm I seem to be having a bit of a problem...it appears that my binge and vom tactic is coming back. It's so annoying because I've been so fucking good otherwise, probably eating around 300 calories a day, but it's when one of my parents takes me out for dinner that I lose all control, which has happened three times in the last 2 weeks. I think they're worried about how little I've been eating, and they can see a noticeable difference in my weight, so when they take me out and I mention that I fancy something shitty, por ejemplo chocolate, they'll literally keep encouraging me to order it till I'm eating that shit uppp. Then once I've been bad I think fuck it, might as well go all out. So I do, then I vom. And in public too! This is a new low for me..They're really fucking nice restaurants too and I'm just puking in their toilets like a spastic. Nice. 

I'm in Singapore now and my dad took me to this really nice tapas restaurant, and it started off really well, splitting grilled squid, red peppers and prawns...then BOOM! Suddenly I'm eating a few fried potatoes. Then I'm sick. Then we go to this rooftop bar and I'm eating the nuts, then we split a chocolate fondant and truffle fries (fucking amazing might I add). Then I'm sick. Then I get a hot chocolate (which I never usually fucking drink), and have a couple chocolates and a macaroon then go home. And then I'm sick. Then I have THREE GODDAMN BROWNIES, and then I vom like I've never vommed before. It was fucking disgusting. And I never even felt full once.

What's so frustrating is that I can go from eating 300 calories a day and feeling fine, even having about 150 yesterday and feeling normal, to this manic binge. Like an untamed beast, but not even a sexy untamed beast. Ah well I'm really going to try and stop now, just go back to limiting my calories. I'm staying in this fly hotel tomorrow with my mate, and we're gonna hit the gym in a big way and use the pool, getting our tan on and shit. We were then going to go to this new club that just opened because we get free entrance and get to skip the queue! But I'm scared to drink. Pretty sure that's the only time I lose control with food, tonight being a classic example of this - fucking sangria. So might have to sacrifice going out for the sake of my bod.

At least I'm losing weight (now 117.5lbs - you can look at my weight goals page), and the tan is progressing swimmingly from Dubai and Singapore. Just need to sort my life out!

Fuck yesss!

I'm so fucking happy this morning! My weight is 8st 9.25lbs (121.25lbs)! This is the lowest I've been in around 4 years, and my stomach actually looked flat and tighter. I was surprised because I wasn't particularly healthy yesterday, as I'd been drinking the night before and ending up crashing at my friends house. Then it was hard to restrict my diet at the next day because I ate what they ate, but I guess I did many to keep the calories down. So here are my food diaries for the last 2 days:


10/04/12
- Muller light yoghurt (90cal)
- 2 quorn sausages (2x70cal)
- Special K cereal bar (90cal)
- Vino and gin...ooops. But fuck it, I always seem to lose weight the next day if I've been drinking)


11/04/12
- Half a bagel with feta
- Tiny bit of hummus with baguette (about 3inch long piece)


Not toooo bad considering the other ate a fucking pizza - not fair :( I miss that shit.


And I'm going to Dubai tomorrow! Can't wait to eat something, thank ze lorrrrrd! 
Gotta go get my vaj waxed now, fun times...

You've come too far to take orders from a cookie

I'm kind of pissed off, I'm the same weight I was yesterday morning (124.25lbs), and I ate exactly the same thing as the other days, which only amounts to 300 calories. But I guess I lost a lot of weight in 2 days so I should chill my beans. On a more positive note, I can actually see the change in my body! I can see my hip bones a bit, and my ribs, and my stomachs pretty much flat, just not toned yet...I'll definitely need to start hitting the gym, fuck.


And I'm going to Dubai in 4 days! I get to go in Business Class because of an upgrade. I think I'm going to allow myself to eat and drink on the plane, because when am I going to get to go in Business Class again?! Lots of champagne for me, yes please. So I'll just not eat before or after the flight, then start some intense gymming and swimming in Dubai. So excited!


Also, I'm developing more regular sleeping patterns by eating less - I'm only sleeping around 7 hours a night compared to the 12 I could usually just whack out. But I keep having these recurring dreams of me eating loads of fatty shit; like cupcakes, sandwiches, cookies...everything really. Then I feel horribly guilty and wake up still feeling guilty. But it's such a relief when I realise it was a dream, and maybe I'm actually dispelling all of my bad habits subconsciously - I'd be down with that.


One more thing. Freshly baked cookies are one of my biggest cravings, and I know how shit they are for you. But I came across this quote yesterday which I enjoyed:


'You've come too far to take orders from a cookie'


When you say it like that, it really does seem pathetic to give in to your cravings. A craving is just a feeling or a fleeting thought that you have induced, and if you humour this thought, you keep intensifying it and intensifying it until you feel that you need to give in to the craving. But this is bullshit! Life will go on if I don't have that cookie or that slice of pizza. No one else gives a shit if I have it or not, so the only person it would be affecting and proceeding to turn into a fat shit would be me. 


Logic - it helps me.

One pound closer to shorts

Weight: 8st 12.25lbs (124.25lbs) 

So I've lost another 1.25 pounds! Get innnn. So this is what I ate yesterday (same as before):

- Muller light yoghurt (90cal)

- 2 quorn sausages (2x70cal)

- Mushroom soup (68cal)

So that's a total of around 300 calories. BOOM. Also, how hot is this bitch. Give me her legs I beg of you.

Make today a day that you are proud of

This morning I weigh 8st 13.5 pounds (125.5lbs)! Which means I lost 1.5lbs from yesterday -  fuck yessss. I'm sure most of it is water weight but some of it must be fat, so I'll take it.

I've been looking at fashion magazines for the most part of the morning, I can't wait to be able to wear shorts this summer, and crop tops. Just have to stay motivated...balls. But I read this quote on one of those 'real girl thinspiration' type websites, saying; 'Make today a day that you are proud of', and this really helped me. I think I always look too far ahead, telling myself I still have another 25 pounds to go. But this usually makes it easier to let myself eat crap occasionally, because I think one day can't make much of a difference in the long-run. So I'm going to really try and view each day individually, like each day is the first day of my diet.

Ha that was a lot of bullshit to try say one thing, but hopefully you see what I'm getting at. 

Okay I'm going to go watch Come Dine With Me or something and pretend I'm eating it...no biggie...

Back from France

I am toooo goddamn hungry right now, so thought I would write something to take my mind off it. I came back from france yesterday, and this morning my weight was 9st 1 pound (127 pounds). Obviously this isn't good in terms of weight loss, but for me it's a ha-uuuge achievement. My vices are essentially bread and cheese, (combine these and add a shitload of oil to make my biggest vice - pizza, nomnomnom), and France is essentially the land of bread and cheese. I guess what I'm saying is it could have been a lot worse.

But I've eaten so little today! So I'm happy as a clam (Clams obviously being the happiest animal). I had:

-1 muller light yoghurt (90cal)

-2 quorn sausages (2 x 70cal)

-Weight watchers tomato soup (76cal)

So that's a total of around 310 calories including black coffees. I know that's a stupid amount but I'm going to Dubai in a week so I feel it's necessary until then.

But I miss France! It was sunny and fantastic the whole time, and we partied like motherbitches in Nice. Made some French friends, you know, getting cultured and all that. But it really made me realise I like English guys too much, the French don't really do it for me.

Water, ciggy, bed! Friday night, get innnn. (I hate being broke)

Weigh-in, bitches!

The dreaded moment of standing on the scales happened this morning - and I am piiiiissed, bitch. Well it's understandable, I weigh 9st 2 pounds (128 pounds), so it seems I've gained 5 pounds from a week of terrible eating. It's not fucking worth it, but the diet went okay-ishhhh yesterday, and I walked for around 3 hours. Fuck yes! So yesterday I ate:


-Grapes
-Chicken Caesar Salad (no dressing)
-Grilled aubergine and some rice
-1/2 bottle of white wine
-Double rum and diet coke


The rice was unnecessary. But compared to my eating for the last week this is a huge improvement. And with all my diets, I've never really included alcohol as calories. It seems that when I drink I usually lose weight the next day. Strange, but I'll take it! It's probably because usually I eat far too few calories for alcohol to make much of a difference. And when I'm drunk I dance like a motherbitch, which is probably my only form of exercise. Just so everyone knows, I know I don't go about losing weight in a healthy way. Probably not getting enough nutrients and all this shit, but I take multivitamins! I'm so on it.


On a non-diet-related note, I met up with this guy I used to see 3 summers ago. It wasn't serious or anything, I was actually still a virgin! Can you believe it. I only got to see him for an hour as he had to get the bus back, I'm just not sure how I feel about him. His friend whacked out the ukulele in the smoking area, singing songs about drugs or something. They're all a little strange but great. Anyway, we kissed when he left and he really wants to see me today, he's already texted twice and I just haven't answered. I don't know if I can be fucked? He seems too interested and he lives so far from London. And I'm not gonna fuck him or anything, (I've recently been almost nun-like on the casual sex front). Well since Valentine's Day.


I guess I'll just wait and see if I want to meet up with him, but I'm going out for drinks tonight so what if there's someone better there?! 


Life's well 'ard. Ciggie time!

The diet commences...again...

So I've decided to start blogging, mostly about my diet and weight loss and such, but also about my general life. Not that I fancy myself more exciting than other people, but my friends and I get up to some pretty funny shit.


I'm 20 years old and am living in London. I go out a lot and go on holiday a lot (my parents live abroad) - it's pretty saweet! I'm about 5ft2 and started dieting 5 weeks ago, weighing 9st9 pounds (135 pounds), which is just too much I would say. My goal weight is around 105 pounds, but I would love to be just under 100 pounds, as I think it would be awesome to have a weight in double digits. So after 4 weeks of intense dieting I weighed 8st11 pounds (123 pounds). HOWEVER, i have failed terribly for the last week, and have yet to weigh myself. So I will eat like a saint today and weigh myself tomorrow.


I don't know how I can go from having so much control over what I'm eating, and being okay and even happy if I'm feeling hungry, to literally eating whatever the fuck is in my sight. I thiiiiink I have a slight binge problem, (I also have a tendency towards bulimia). But during my 4 weeks of dieting, I wasn't sick once, then yesterday, BOOM, I was, so I realised I need to start eating healthily again so I don't fall back into that fucking stupid pattern!


Also I'm going to France with my friends soon and I want to whip out the shorts in a big way! But alas, my thighs forbid it. I think I'm going to hit fruit and vegetables until I go. Okay I'm going for a 2 hour walk to the sea to meet my sister because it's sunny and fantastic outside. 


Until tomorrow!